Because I Said So

Two by two

2008-06-12T14:10:00.000-07:00

Compliments of Jerm's blog...

Two Names You Go By? Angie and Mama... depending on where I'm at, of course, and who's addressing me.
Two things you are wearing right now? Khaki maternity pants and a marroon maternity shirt. I'm about sick of maternity clothes, btw.
Two of your favorite things? Like Jerm, I don't want to label people as things, so I will refrain from saying "my kids" and instead... I'd have to say my Sharpie markers and my books. Yes, I'm a geek.
Two things you want very badly at the moment? More money to get my son his prescriptions and paid time off for maternity leave.
Two favorite pets you have or had? My dog, Mags, from back when I was in high school, and my cat, Rowdy, that I had to give up a couple of years ago. (I hate you, David.)
Two people you hope will fill this out? Umm... I don't know who has yet, but I guess I'd say Carrie and Sneff.
Two things you did last night? Strung beads into a necklace and washed a load of laundry. Oh, the fun.
Two things you ate last night? Chicken legs and egg noodles. That wasn't it, that was just two of the ingredients in Vikki's rockin' casserole.
Two people you last talked to? Linda Vela and Tommy Tompkins (fellow secretary and my boss)
Two things you are doing tomorrow? Driving to work (maybe) and pecking away on the computer (for sure)
Two of farthest trips taken in the last 5 years? Konawa, Oklahoma and Killeen, Texas. I don't get out much.
Two favorite beverages? Breve Cafe Latte and iced herbal tea

Very Briefly

2008-06-06T06:18:00.000-07:00

This is a real news story?

(AP) WASHINGTON - At least one member of Congress has his knickers in a twist over the subject of... panties.

In a debate about the way detainees are treated at Guantanamo Bay, California Republican Dana Rohrabacher argued that it's not torture to make suspected terrorists wear women's underwear on their heads.

Rohrabacher was taking issue with FBI complaints about inappropriate and potentially illegal tactics used to get al-Qaida detainees to talk. He said interrogation-by-panties was more akin to "hazing," not torture.

He mentioned the word "panties" eight times during a House Foreign Affairs Committee hearing.

Massachusetts Democrat Bill Delahunt pointedly told Rohrabacher that the issue went beyond panties, saying interrogators were also seen physically abusing detainees.

Rohrabacher declared he would never apologize for someone putting panties on the head of a 9-11 terrorist.

Questions for the Adults Amongst Us?

2008-06-05T11:47:00.000-07:00

((From James Goodman's Myspace bulletin... which by the way, the original survey was missing a few numbered questions. So I added my own. I'm weird like that.))

(Meant to be completed by those out of high school) Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids? 'Have you ever kissed someone?' 'Missed someone?' 'Told someone you loved them?' 'Drank alcohol?' 'What was your last text?'

Here are 50 questions for the people who are a little more "mature"...

1.What bill do you hate paying the most?
My car insurance.It's so much!!! I hate it that they hold your credit score against you - insurance is not given on a credit basis, so what difference does it make if the spousal unit has screwed up my credit??

2.Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
I don't recall the last time I had a romantic dinner. I'm not kidding.

3.Last time you puked from drinking?
Probably New Year's, ringing in 2007. I was pregnant this last New Year's so I didn't drink.

4.When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
Honestly, I have NEVER done this.

5.Name of your first grade teacher?
I don't recall. I think that was the year I was in the smart-kids' program... we had super-bright children from different grade levels who worked at little round tables with different teachers who sort of guided them to learn rather than strictly teaching.

6.What do you really want to be doing right now?
I really want to be at home, asleep. Resting. Gathering energy for the impending birth of this child.

7.What did you want to be when you were growing up?
At various times, I wanted to be a graphic artist, a lawyer, a teacher, a rock star and a spaceship pilot.

8.How many colleges did you attend?
Two or three. I'm not done yet.

9.What made you decide to wear the shirt you have on right now?
It's comfy. Has short sleeves. Most of my maternity work-appropriate shirts are long-sleeved and it's hot right now.

10.GAS PRICES?
Eating me a new asshole and ruining the close-held love I've always had for my purty red truck.

11.Where would you move if you could live anywhere?
The southern coast of Spain along the Mediterranean. I'd send pictures to my ex every week just to make him seethe with jealousy.

12.First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Fuck. Already????

13.Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Please Gabbi, go to sleep....

14.Favorite style of underwear?
Hi-cut bikini

15.Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
Depends on the guy. Some guys absolutely should NOT wear briefs.*shudder*

16.What errand/chore do you despise?
Doing the dishes.

17.If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
Yes, definitely.

18.Get up early or sleep in?
Sleep in. Oh wait, I have little kids, boodles of them. So I don't EVER get that chance.

19.What is your favorite cartoon character?
Wile E.Coyote

20.Do you read the Bible?
Nope. If I want fiction, I pick up a novel that is more entertaining than that one.

21.Did you get anything in your stocking last Christmas?
Yeah, I put a couple of things in there so my kids wouldn't think I'd been bad and Santa had skipped me. On the other hand... their dad got absolutely nothing, bwahahahahaha!!!!

22.When did you first start feeling old?
About five years ago.

23.Have you ever ridden a train?
Only the Tarantula train (restored old-west steamer) from Grapevine to Ft. Worth and back.

24.Your favorite lunch meat?
Roast beef

25.Favorite kind of coffee?
Either Starbuck's Verona blend or 100% Colombian

26.How do you prefer your eggs to be cooked?
Usually scrambled, but sometimes over-medium

27.Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
It's overrated. You can be "married" without having the Christianized, legalized ritual that involves signing contracts and promising to be with someone till you DIE. Marriage, to me, is a state of mind, rather than a contractual arrangement. Or, at least, it should be.

28.Where did you go last time you took an airline flight?
I don't even remember the last flight I took... I think it was from Pittsburgh to Oklahoma City, but I am not sure.

29.Favorite guilty pleasure?
Hmmmm.... That's a tough one... going out to a nice restaurant for a steak dinner, I suppose, though it's been so long since THAT'S happened, it really would be a treat!

30.Who gave you your last massage?
My best-friend's step-daughter, Breena. She gives neck and back rubs, but damn does she get a little rough sometimes.

31.What's your favorite alcoholic drink?
Cold Corona with lime. I stay away from liquor.

32.Cowboys or Indians?
They are Native Americans, thank you very much!!!!

33.Cops or Robbers?
Cops, for sure

34.Who from high school would you like to run into?
Not really anyone, but there's a guy from Air Force tech school I wish I could find.

35.What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
102.1 The Edge

36.Movies or Documentaries?
Movies.

37.The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
When I was pre-teen, the Cosby Show. When I was jr. High and above, the Simpsons.

38.Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Oh, lord, I am NOT going there.

39.Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
Yes, I do.

40.How long have you had your current job?
Exactly one year on June 19th.

41.What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with?
Someone funny, I don't know who... or Johnny Depp (drool)

42.What famous person would you like to sleep with?
See the second half of the above answer!!!

43.Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
Only once in the kitchen...

44.Last book you read for real?
"As opposed to just pretending to read?" Heheh... Well, I am reading Timeline by Michael Crighton for the umpteenth time, currently, because there wasn't anything else on the shelf. (Hey James, send me something of yours... Like, something YOU wrote!!!)

45.What is the last book you recommended to a friend?
Mists of Avalon

46.Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
Under the spigot at an outdoor campsite

47.Have you ever woke up in a strange place and had no idea how you got there?
Well, I woke up fully clothed in an empty bathtub with no recollection of why I chose that place to pass out. That's as strange as it got.

48.If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
I’d be a mega-successful writer and that would be my full-time job. <--I am going to stick with James' answer. Adding "rich" to "mega-successful."

49.At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Career. I don't want a relationship right now.

50.Just how OLD are you?
Not nearly as old as I feel most days.

Mmmm, hungry....

2008-05-29T12:15:00.000-07:00

Of course this comes from nurse-midwives...

Clinical Guideline Backs Food & Drink During Labor

Imagine training for the longest, hardest triathlon of your life. Physically and emotionally demanding, exhausting, draining, yet ultimately rewarding. You take care of yourself in the months leading up to this event, yet you aren't expected to be able to hydrate and/or nourish yourself DURING the event itself. (I know, triathletes don't eat during the marathon, but they drink and they have an intake of nurtrients.)

Labor is kinda like that. You're really working. It is hard, hard work, too. You utilize all your muscles and put your entire body and soul into the effort. It lasts a long time (in many cases). Regardless of how well you've prepared for this event, denying your body the basic nourishment it requires to keep up the strength you need and allowing only intravenous hydration is sheer torture.

My last hospital birth was cruel in this regard. They brought me in for induction on a Monday morning. I was instructed not to eat for the 12 hours preceeding my admission. So the last meal I had was at approximately 6pm Sunday night. (I was nine months pregnant, very hungry to begin with!) I was induced but the induction didn't take because, quite simply, she wasn't quite ready to be born (I was 37 weeks along). So I laid there in the hospital, being allowed nothing but ice chips and the saline IV, for 27 hours. Add the 13 hours that I hadn't eaten before being brought in, plus the long sleepless night wracked with painful contractions, and yet they expected me to have the energy to push out a 6lb, 8oz baby.

I did it. Only because the night before, I made my husband smuggle a 12-inch Subway Club (extra olives) in to my hospital room. I threatened him with increasingly gory forms of torture followed by a long, drawn-out death, if he didn't. I was still REALLY hungry. And of course, when she was born, it was a full two hours before the hospital served "lunch" (all I remember is that it tasted horrible, was quite cold and there wasn't enough of it). I never, ever understood why a laboring woman couldn't have sustenance to carry her through... because there's a less-than 3% chance she could require general anesthesia??

So... if I go out to eat, I should not drive home immediately because there's a chance I could get into a car crash that requires me to be rushed into surgery. And if I had just eaten, I might aspirate during surgery. Now that makes no sense and no one would recommend it. But it is, essentially, what's expected of birthing situations.

The midwives know - you can't deprive a laboring mother of food and drink and expect her to handle the situation well. Doctors... well, they seem to be way behind the rest in coming to such realizations. However, "Clinical Guidelines" or not, I doubt hospitals will begin allowing moms to eat after admission, because it's just not the way they think.

I'm so glad to be having another homebirth.

Too true to be funny... almost

2008-05-22T13:48:00.001-07:00

55 More Words

2008-05-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

Here we go again! Two Friday 55's in a row... I am on some kind of roll.

Within the cramped walls, I blandly recite sins to the bored, faceless entity behind the screen. I am sentenced to prayer, a penance easily accomplished. I leave church following confession feeling lightweight, buoyed by forgiveness not truly earned. My soul safe for another week, I live as I choose, unencumbered by guilt or personal accountability.

Friday 55

2008-04-25T07:27:00.000-07:00

A story in 55 words exactly, to celebrate the coming weekend... I won't be driving anywhere, that's for sure.

Arriving at the station, there’s a deal! I swipe my card, recalling when I thought, “That’s the most I’ve ever paid…” That price was $3.17, and I glare at the sign: now 4 replaces 3. Those nostalgic days of yore existed only three months ago; my elation fades as my paycheck drains into the tank.

It's been awhile

2008-04-18T11:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I have not posted in some time. Life's been a little on the hectic and upsetting side. I left my stupid, deadbeat husband, and had to leave all my possessions (and kids' possessions) as well. I've been trying to adjust to living with my friend, which is hard only because once you've spent your adult life living as head of your own household, it's not easy to adjust to being a part of someone else's. My kids are probably adjusting better than me, because as kids, they just SHOW their emotions, be it by screaming and crying, or by being combative, argumentative or disrespectful. Most of the time they are their typical, happy selves, but they have those moments of complete "melt-down," which is to be expected during an upheaval of this sort.

Me? I try to put on a happy face and try not to show any fear or pain.

I mean, of course no one expects me to be Miss Sunshine, but geez, I am 7 months pregnant and striking out into the waters of Single Mom-hood for the first time. Trying to psych oneself up for the anticipated custody battles and mind-games of a control-freak, abusive husband (who's all the more pissed for having been stripped of his control) is bad enough - trying to do it while full of raging pregnancy hormones is something else entirely. Something that might usually make you a little irritated and possibly upset suddenly has you crying uncontrollably at your desk while unsuccessfully attempting to make your co-workers believe it's just allergies. Half the people here don't even know I've done this. The other half don't know what to say.

I don't want him back - I would not survive more of that kind of life. And my kids deserve so much better. But I am not ready for the fight, even though I know I am in the best position to win it. I just want to fast-forward about a year into the future, to where all this might be over or at least relatively MORE resolved than it is now. I can't even file papers on him - neither of us is currently in the county of residence that the filing would have to take place in. Which is the county we resided in for the last 90 days. (It means he can't file either.) Besides, nothing would come of it - a divorce can't be resolved or even really initiated until the baby is born.

I'm just tired, I guess. My life has been nothing but abuse and mind-games for the last 7 years. It just gets to you, especially once you finally get the strength to break out, but realize it isn't really over yet.

Sorry, guys. Just needed to get some of it off my chest.

A huge turn-off

2008-03-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

World Wildlife Fund's Earth Hour is catching on across America following the tremendous success of last year's event in Sydney, Australia. This global phenomenon will spread across six continents in 2008, including hundreds of communities like yours in the United States.

Chicago will serve as the U.S. flagship city for Earth Hour in 2008, with Atlanta, Phoenix and San Francisco joining as leading partner cities. But everyone throughout the US and around the world is invited and encouraged to turn off their lights for an hour on March 29 at 8 p.m. local time--whether at home or at work, with friends and family or solo, in a big city or a small town.

What will you do when the lights are off? Why not change out those old energy-wasting light bulbs to new, inexpensive and efficient compact fluorescents. Earth Hour is also a perfect time to consider what you and your family can do in the days and months to reduce emissions and live more sustainably. They have lots of terrific ideas to get you started.

To alter the course of climate change we must act now. The U.S. is the world's leading emitter of carbon dioxide—over 20 tons per person every year. One person committed to reducing energy consumption can make a difference, and millions of us working together can change the world.

Let everyone know that you're a part of Earth Hour - sign up on the site and become part of the movement.

One hour, America. Earth Hour.

And Baby Makes Three!

2008-03-26T13:30:00.000-07:00

After all this time with nothing to post, this is what I come up with.

Labor of Love

"To our neighbors, my wife, Nancy, and I don’t appear in the least unusual. To those in the quiet Oregon community where we live, we are viewed just as we are -- a happy couple deeply in love. Our desire to work hard, buy our first home, and start a family was nothing out of the ordinary. That is, until we decided that I would carry our child."

Basically, it's a normal, happy couple who are expecting their very first child. The only thing that makes it something the entire nation is yapping about is that it's the husband who is pregnant.

Because he is a legally-recognized male, it's noteworthy. Obviously, he was born as a female and did not have his girl-bits removed. So most of society is throwing a fit as if it was truly their business. I think it's sad that they can't find a doctor to help them, but I also think most of the time, pregnancy and childbirth is better off without tons of medical intervention anyway. If there's a problem, then by all means utilize the medical system - if you're healthy and have no complications, have a birth attendant (such as a midwife) and have your baby in a natural, loving environment such as a birth center or, (gasp) your home.

That would be my suggestion to this valiant, unconventional couple. Hire a midwife; have your baby in a birth center or at home. And by all means, keep your chins up - the world is gonna judge, but then again, doesn't it always? It takes a strong person to live a transgendered life with pride and security, and obviously this man and his wife have vast amounts of courage to take this step to have a family... and to go public with it.

On an aside... he's due the same day as me! How cool is that??

The ones you didn't get

2008-03-18T14:34:00.000-07:00

Here's the movies no one guessed:

#5. Under the Tuscan Sun

#9. The Thirteenth Warrior

What a fun little game! Now, back to your regularly scheduled lives.

Wanna watch a movie with me?

2008-03-12T07:21:00.001-07:00

1. Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly in the comments, and put who correctly identified the film.
5. NO Googling or using IMDb search functions.

These are in no particular order of favoritism, and I have many more favorites than these, of course...

MOVIE #1: On the subway today, a man came up to me to start a conversation. He made small talk, a lonely man talking about the weather and other things. I tried to be pleasant and accommodating, but my head hurt from his banality. I almost didn't notice it had happened, but I suddenly threw up all over him. He was not pleased, and I couldn't stop laughing. Jerm knew this - it's Se7en.

MOVIE #2: My brains, his steel, and your strength against sixty men, and you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy? Again for Jerm, an easy one: The Princess Bride.

MOVIE #3: They had enough of Nicky. They had enough. I mean, how much more were they gonna take? So, they made an example of him and his brother: they buried them while they were still breathing. Way to go, Carrie! She got Casino.

MOVIE #4: You don't got nothing to do with your life. Why don't you get a job? Work with lepers. Blind kids. Anything's gotta be better than lying around all day waiting for me to fuck you. This one was Scarface, again with Jerm's expert knowledge.

MOVIE #5: What are four walls, anyway? They are what they contain. The house protects the dreamer. Unthinkably good things can happen, even late in the game. It's such a surprise.

MOVIE #6: He wants to make money. You know - live in a nice house with wide windows and locks. You can't expect him to live forever with his sister and the nipple-twisting that goes on there. Jerm says it's The Wedding Singer.

MOVIE #7: Nothing to it is there? Remember, they love money so pretend like you own a gold mine and you're in the club. This one was Titanic. Carrie "sunk" it, har-har.

MOVIE #8: Those giraffes you sold me, they won't mate. They just walk around, eating, and not mating. You sold me... queer giraffes. I want my money back. James got this one! It's Gladiator.

MOVIE #9: The All-Father wove the skein of your life a long time ago. Go and hide in a hole if you wish, but you won't live one instant longer. Your fate is fixed. Fear profits a man nothing.

MOVIE #10: Don't blame me. I'm an interpreter. I'm not supposed to know a power socket from a computer terminal. I tried to pick an obscure quote from this one, but alas, Jerm nailed Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.

MOVIE #11: Ain't logical. Cuttin' on his own face, rapin' and murdering - Hell, I'll kill a man in a fair fight... or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight, or if he bothers me, or if there's a woman, or if I'm gettin' paid - mostly only when I'm gettin' paid. I was thinking something HAD to be wrong if Cory didn't get this one! It's from Serenity, of course.

MOVIE #12: I believe in America. America has made my fortune. And I raised my daughter in the American fashion. I gave her freedom, but I taught her never to dishonor her family. She found a boyfriend; not an Italian. She went to the movies with him; she stayed out late. I didn't protest. Two months ago, he took her for a drive, with another boyfriend. They made her drink whiskey. And then they tried to take advantage of her. She resisted. She kept her honor. So they beat her, like an animal. An easy one for the Jerm-man, The Godfather.

MOVIE #13: As the sound of the playgrounds faded, the despair set in. Very odd, what happens in a world without children's voices. A newer flick, but apparently Jerm just watches movies all day. This one was Children of Men.

MOVIE #14: It is most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated. As a token of our appreciation, we hope you will enjoy the two thermonuclear missiles we've just sent to converge with your craft. To ensure ongoing quality of service, your death may be monitored for training purposes. Thank you. Now this one was easy. I knew Jerm would get Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I just didn't think he'd get almost all of them. Rock on, buddy!

MOVIE #15: Son of a bitch. I mean, it's not bad enough that he's trying to kill me. Now he's trying to turn me into a drag queen. Why couldn't he have said you were going to have the operation? Yes, James, this is a quote from Weekend at Bernie's! It's the first one - I love this goofy little movie but I despise the sequel.

There's a tear in my gas...

2008-03-10T14:52:00.000-07:00

Just blowin' through records on a daily basis, we are. Three months ago, the ever-present Economists (supposedly the experts on the subject) were saying we'll never hit $100 a barrel in this country, because our economy, though strong, could not support the resulting surge in prices at the pump.

Blah-buh-blah buh-fucking-blah.

So today prices shot up above $109 a barrel in trading, and show no signs of slowing down. When we broke $3 per gallon at the pump last year, it was all over the news and no one could stop talking about it. It didn't last long, although it never really dropped very far after that. This year, long before the spring/summer driving rush, it breached the $3 mark again and no one even blinked. Yet, folks keep buying and buying, because they have to.

From MSNBC.com:
Where oil goes from here is anybody’s guess. Many analysts expect prices to moderate, while others predict oil could keep rising to $120 a barrel, or higher. And with demand for gas expected to rise as warm weather arrives, analysts say pump prices will likely spike as high as $3.50 to $3.75 a gallon, regardless of what happens with oil prices.

That doesn’t sit well with some consumers.

“I’ve got to say, if they ever go up to $3.50, that would be the point where I’d feel angry,” said Alex Magby, a Morrisville, Pa., resident who was gassing up near his New Jersey restaurant job one recent afternoon. “I’d feel cheated at that point.”

Cheated? I don't feel cheated. I feel like I am being screwed up the ass without the courtesy of that other petroleum by-product, Vaseline.

Personally, I don't buy like I used to - of course, I used to be able to budget $6o every two weeks for gas, which at the time put me pretty close to a full tank. That would last at least two weeks, if not longer, depending on where I went. Unfortunately, life having gotten harder and harder these past few months, I can now only eke out $20 or $30 for gas every two weeks. Now it doesn't even put me to half a tank, and I can ONLY drive to work and stop at the store on the way home, or I won't make it until the next gas-ration day.

If it goes up to $3.50 a gallon, $30 of gas won't make it two weeks for me, no matter how little I drive. Work isn't going to suddenly move closer. At $3.75, I am not sure what I'd do. My beloved, responsible DH** is again amongst the ranks of the unemployed (gnashing teeth) and so I already do not make enough for our ends to meet, so to speak. How can those schmucks out there who are, like me, classified as "working poor" possibly make it in a world where regular gasoline is $3.75 a gallon?

Because that means diesel will be well over $4 a gallon. And everything that we buy (including the gas itself) gets to us either on diesel-powered trucks, trains, ships or all of the above. Trickle-down economics, or the ol' shit-rolls-downhill verbage, certainly applies here. I flipped out the other day when I saw that my WIC checks now allow $4.80 for eggs - that means I can get two dozen eggs again, like I'm supposed to be able to get. (Usually, the allotment is at $4, which won't get two dozen eggs.) I saw milk at Walmart on sale for $3.50 a gallon and, after I dry-heaved in shock, found myself thankful that I was at least able to get MOST of my milk on WIC as well. (That's the Walmart brand, too... the name-brand - which probably comes from the same set of cows - costs over $5 a gallon. And people are BUYING IT!!!)

Well, all you can do is hang on... and hope something happens sooner or later, I guess.

**DH stands for Dear Husband or Darling Husband on most mommy-oriented chat boards I frequent. However, it also stands for Dick Head, which is the term I prefer to apply in this particular situation.

No.... really???

2008-02-26T09:52:00.000-08:00

Economists See Growing Signs of Recession

WHAT???!!!?!?

I'm shocked.

Pregnancy 101

2008-02-22T08:31:00.000-08:00

MOTHER
Name:: Angie
Date of Birth:: 2-25
Place of Birth:: Las Vegas
Current Location:: Texas
Hair:: Red
Eyes:: Green
Height:: 4'10" and a half

FATHER
Name:: David
Date of Birth:: 12-6
Place of Birth:: Agua Dulce
Current Location:: Texas
Hair:: Black & gray
Eyes:: brown
Height:: 5'7"

THE PREGNANCY
Were you planning to have a baby?: Nope
When did you conceive?: Oct 10
How did you find out you were pregnant?: Kept getting nauseated, tired all the time. Took a test, bam! Two lines
When did you get you first go to the doctor?: Haven't been to a doctor. First midiwfe appointment was Dec. 21
Do you know the gender?: Not yet
What names do you have picked out?: Jayson or Alyson
Does the baby move a lot?: Yep
How is the baby's heartbeat?: Fine - 136 at last appointment
First change you noticed in your body?: Same as always - tired all the time
Have you taken birthing classes yet?: Don't need to. I could TEACH them.
When is the baby due?: July 3
Where are you having the baby?: Gentle Beginnings Birth Center
Are you scared to give birth?: Nope
Are you going to breastfeed or use the bottle?: Boobies, all the way
What's the nursery theme?: Crammed into bed with mom for lack of room - but wouldn't have a "nursery" anyway
Have you had morning sickness?: Until about week 15
Any cravings?: Salty stuff and carbs
How much weight have you gained?: About 8 pounds so far
Do you still feel attractive?: Pregnant women rock, so yeah
How do you feel when people touch your belly?: Depends on who it is. Most people, get the fuck off me.
Do you talk to your tummy?: Only inside my own head. Not out loud.
Do you have any Godparents picked out?: Uh, no.
Is this your first baby?: Not even CLOSE.
Do you think you'll be a good parent?: *I* will be, he sucks as one.
What religion do you want him/her to be?: None. I want them to choose their own
Would you let someone videotape the birth?: Not on your life.
Natural or Medicated birth?: Totally natural
Have you had Braxton Hicks Contractions?: Yep.
Worst thing about being pregnant?: This time it's the acne. I don't usually have an issue with that, though.
Best thing about being pregnant?: My boobies came back. Nice to see ya, girls.

Another Year Older

2008-02-21T13:48:00.000-08:00

My birthday is Monday. At 34 years, I guess I can officially say I've entered my mid-30s. Doesn't make me feel too old. Being able to say "I have a teenaged daughter..." now THAT makes me feel old. Especially when placed alongside the fact that I'm 5 months pregnant with my 6th child.

I'm starting to just feel tired, now.

Anyway, I don't expect any gifts. I will be surprised if anyone but my 4-year old son (almost 5, he won't let you forget it) even acknowleges it. Which is okay (and my son just wants another excuse to have cake). In any case, if anyone gets a wild hair, and really feels like getting me a darned thing, here's some gift ideas.

I spent the morning on Amazon.com, and have come up with a rather comprehensive list of the things that would certainly make me happy.... or at least give me some really cool conversation pieces...

First, there's this:

JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank

If you're going to get me a personal tank, be sure to include the optional Defense Package... I'd like the swivel-based .50 caliber machine gun and side-mounted surface-to-air missile launchers. A nice infrared radar system would be cool, too.

If that's a little pricey, try:

Elk Carcass

Nothing says "Happy Birthday" like a little carcass. You got to read the reviews on this product - it's beyond hilarious.

Cheaper still:

Radioactive sample of Uranium Ore

My Geiger counter has been acting up lately, and I just don't know what to do about it. Is it the batteries, or is it just old? Maybe time for a new one? Before I throw it out, I'd like to test it... and this is the perfect thing.

In case I get popped for a random drug test, I'll have:

Dr. John’s Famous Pee-Pee

Perfect for those irritating urinalysis tests that always seem to get sprung on you just after that wild weekend crack party you hosted at your place. This stuff is guaranteed to be in every way just like real (but clean) urine. Since they usually watch you pee in the cup, though, how you solve the problem of delivering it at body temperature to the lab tech is up to you.

I know I'm clean, but just for laughs, for that drug test I think I'll use:

100% Wolf Urine

There's nothing like the smell of wild canine piss in the morning. I've always wanted to see if I could lure a slavering, bloodthirsty beast onto my balcony - and this is just the thing. If nothing else, it'll drive the neighbor's dog absolutely nuts.

Happy shopping folks! And if nothing else, cash and gift cards are always welcome.

Huh?

2008-02-08T14:45:00.000-08:00

I totally did NOT understand this headline when I first read it:

Man in Light Shooting Hands Out Bears

My initial thought was…”what??? WTF does THAT mean??”

I sat there and stared at it until my head hurt. Then I read the story and it made sense. Not very interesting, and I still have a headache, but at least I understood it.

http://www.newsvine.com/_news/2008/02/07/1285542-man-in-light-shooting-hands-out-bears

It’s the headline that was worth mentioning because I completely did not get it. And I’m pretty smart… but it made me feel like I was thoroughly missing something.

I hate that feeling.

Things that don't surprise me

2008-02-05T13:41:00.000-08:00

Wall Street Stocks Slump Again
Why does this seem to be such huge news? The economy sucks. All the politicians and media-hounds who say otherwise are just in denial, or trying to cover their asses.

Kids With ADHD Are More Likely To Be Bullies
All the bullies I remember in school were the ones with attention problems, back then called "hyperactive" or "problem children." The geeky little bookworms (like me) were the ones GETTING bullied.

Roger Clemens Denies Steroid Use
Like he's gonna admit it. The only celebrity I have ever seen who admits using growth hormones is Stallone. He's even proud of it.

And, my favorite:
Huckabee Wins in West Virginia
It's the only possible place he COULD have won. That's what happens when you let hillbillies vote before making them learn how to read. They're going to pick the candidate with the name that sounds best to them.

55 words for Friday

2008-01-25T12:22:00.000-08:00

Here's my contribution for the Friday 55 - a short story in fifty-five words exactly.

********************************
Sunlight streaming through the window makes a bright patch on the rug, highlighting myriad colors swirling into patterns: some fiber, some fur. Gracefully, fluidly, the repetition of stripes flows upwards, stretching outward, turning clockwise before curling back into the compact form of the drowsy cat, blending like camouflage into the background of her naptime nest.

********************************

Congratulations, Cheneys!

2008-01-22T15:04:00.001-08:00

Welcome to the newest addition to the Bloop, Kaia Madeline Cheney!

What a beautiful name for the little one.

Congratulations, you guys! All the best to your family!

Mass Frenzy...

2008-01-21T12:30:00.001-08:00

...over nothing.

It starts out with a few people seeing some small orange lights in the evening sky. By the time it’s over, there’s a major UFO research group scouring the area and the small town has landed on international news.

I’m speaking, of course, of Stephenville, Texas, January 2008. Or Roswell, circa mid-1940s. Whatever. Different date, same story.

Some folks who were in a helicopter flying over the area at the time (Stephenville time, anyway) saw the mysterious lights from a distance. Being a former military pilot, the guy flying the chopper recognized them for what they were: flares. Military test flights dropping flares off in the distance. Simple, yet nothing the military will talk about because, after all, that type of thing is top-secret to someone, somewhere.

Now, however, there are Area Residents Who Are Telling Their Stories, and from small orange lights in the distance, it's become giant glowing blue lights hovering over town, reports of bouncing, glowing objects picked up by an infrared camera (who has infrared surveillance cameras on a FARM???), and one woman EVEN saw two saucer-shaped objects larger than a football field.

I wonder how everyone else missed that? Personally, I think if there were saucer-shaped plate-things 100 yards long hovering in the sky, THAT would have certainly made the news first - forget about small orange lights in the distance. Everyone seemed to have seen something, yet only that lady witnessed flying saucers. (I imagine her with curlers, in a floral housecoat, missing a few teeth, pale arm flashing into the sky as she gestures towards the distance above her trailer to show the reporter where the visitors hovered.)

The sheer, raging stupidity of the mass of sheep that call themselves modern, evolved and educated human beings utterly boggles my mind at times.

7 Things About Me!

2008-01-10T06:12:00.000-08:00

The creative and inspiring James Goodman tagged lil' old me for this meme. I feel honored. This is how it works:

I’ll think of 7 things that you all don’t know about me. That could be interesting, because as you know, I'm not very secretive about my life! Between surveys and random rants, I've spilled a lot of guts lately...

Now for The Rules:
---Link to the person who tagged you;
---Leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours;
---Post the rules on your blog;
---Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog;
---Tag 7 random people at the end of your post;
---Include links to their blogs;
---Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Seven Things About Me:

1. I cannot wink with my right eye. I can tip the left one shut by itself with no problem, but when the right one closes, so does the left.

2. As a child, I only lost two baby teeth by myself. The rest had to be pulled by a dentist, due to abnormally long roots that didn't dissolve. The last one to come out was yanked by a specialist when I was 18.

3. I haven't been to a barber shop or beauty salon for a professional haircut in over 4 years. A friend trimmed my hair about 18 months ago, but that's been it... it's just been "growing out" all that time.

4. I was ambidextrous as a child, but lost the ability to write legibly with my left hand sometime in high school.

5. I have 4 tattoos, but I have never even dated a guy who was inked. I was 26 when I got my first one (a botched Star Wars symbol that has since been covered by a large Bacardi bat).

6. I do not like sugar. Of any kind. Fruit, candy, soda, cakes, cookies... they all make me sick. My mother thought it was a food allergy when I was a baby, but testing revealed that I am lacking the tastebuds that most folks have that allow them to enjoy the taste of sweetness. Things still taste sweet to me, they just don't taste good.

7. Although I was not raised by my biological parents, I was never formally adopted by the parents that brought me up. They remained my "legal guardians" throughout my childhood. Because of this, I had to go to court as a teenager to legally change my name from what it read on my birth certificate: Betty Mae Murphy.

That wasn't so hard. Now, let's see... who should go next? I think it should be:

Jerm
Sneff
Cory
Wicasta
Guru
Andia
Truvy

Don't forget to comment here to let me know if you've decided to play along!

Flowers

2008-01-08T10:50:00.000-08:00

So there's this huge bunch of roses on my desk, in a pretty little glass vase. I haven't gotten flowers in a long time, let alone roses, so I set them up proudly on the reception shelf. Now all day everyone who walks by stops and sniffs them, then compliments them and asks me with a big smile if it's my birthday or anniversary.

It's not. I smile politely and say I helped out some folks, so they got me some flowers. Just that, and the next thing you know, the questions start.. "Wow, you must have really helped! So... uh... you know... what did you do??"

It's not that I am not proud of having helped this family out. And I'm grateful for the beautiful flowers. But, it's such a sad story, and it just wipes the smile right off people's faces. Not wanting to lie, though, and feeling like crap anyway (so I just want these well-meaning folks to go away and leave me alone) I end up telling an abridged version of the sad story.

Several years ago, a middle-aged man worked for here, well not HERE, but for American Airlines in general. He was on the ground crew at the airport. Anyway, he hasn't worked here since 2005. Estranged from his family, he kind of lived his own life and did his own thing.

Last October, he went camping in Utah. Somehow, some way, he went missing. They found his campsite, apparently, but no sign of him. His family, in Colorado, did what they could to locate him, but it's as if he just disappeared.

Until December 23. Two days before Christmas, another camper in the area stumbled upon a body. Based on the proximity to the original campsite of the missing former-AA employee, as well as other factors (presumable clothing and/or jewelry, I'm not sure of the details), the Sherriff's office was fairly certain this was "Tom," and contacted his family to get some more information. Like dental records.

Tom's family did not have this information, and the medical examiner's office in Utah could not release the body without positive medical confirmation of his identity. Their next option? Fingerprints. Tom was among the people who work closely with aircraft at a major post-9/11 airport, so surely the company would have his fingerprints!

This is where I come in. Not knowing who to call, the late Tom's sister called the director of Employee Services on December 26. That was quite possibly the SLOWEST day of the year for the people in the headquarters building of this company. Well, my direct boss is the director of HR - Finance. My other duty is to backfill for the secretary to the Managing Director of... you got it... HR - Delivery, which includes Employee Services. So I caught the call.

Over the next week, I sent the request to five or six different people, managers and directors and their assistants, because the problems was that when they pulled his records from archiving in the Tulsa warehouse, there were no fingerprints in it. Having been ground crew, he did have them, but the fear was that they were digitally archived, and those files are purged 6 months after the employee leaves the company.

Finally, through some miracle, we found a digital copy of Tom's fingerprints. I was able to get them scanned and sent to the medical examiner's office. They confirmed that the body they had was Tom's, providing closure for his family and a chance to lay him to rest properly.

The family sent me the flowers in appreciation of my work to get the prints to the right people. This was their very last option for identification, short of the drawn-out, expensive and emotionally draining process of DNA testing.

So I have beautiful flowers on my desk that make people smile. The story of how they got there is a little sad and depressing. I'm glad I could help this hurting family, whose holiday season turned unexpectedly bittersweet and wrenching. I think, though, that I'll take the flowers home today. They're pretty here on my desk... but it's just a reminder of the strange and sorrowful paths life can sometimes take.

Honesty - The Best Policy

2008-01-04T11:19:00.000-08:00

1. Honestly, what color is your underwear?
Dark blue & white stripes with a purple waistband... sounds funky, but they're really quite nice.

2. Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
Many unpleasant things, such as childcare arrangements and how much I'd love to be away from certain people.

3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
Not working, filling out pointless surveys.

4. Honestly, what did you do today?
Corrected some people's vacation time in the system, requested a pseudo-ID for a contractor, calculated the number of diapers I've changed in my life, typed a few emails... and did surveys.

5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
Not so much. It could be worse, though, I could look like my sibling Monica... she makes a freight train take a dirt road.

6. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
Hmmm. I haven't done my walking exercise. That's bad, at least according to the midwife.

7. Honestly, do you watch Disney channel?
No, because I don't have cable.

8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
No, not really. That's a pointless emotion if there ever was one.

9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
Being with my children while away from their father.

10. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
No, but I chew on my cuticles.

11. Honestly, what is your mood right now?
Rather gloomy, slightly depressed, lethargic and kind of hopeless.

12. Honestly, have you had an eating disorder?
Nope. Only that I don't eat enough.

13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
Yes. Several someones.

14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
Not really. Everything about me, there's at least ONE person who knows it.

17. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?
My little ones.

18. Honestly, are you loyal?
Obviously. I'm still with the schmuck I married, and no matter how miserable I am, I've never strayed.

19. Honestly, are you in denial?
Not really. Nothing to deny.

20. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?
HONESTLY??? No. That's one of the last things I want to do.

21. Honestly, who is your best friend?
Asteroid Jim.

22. Honestly, have you ever consumed alcohol?
I've imbibed it, drank it, swigged it, chugged it, sipped it, slurped it, slammed it, shot it, gulped it, guzzled it, and sucked it through a straw. So, I think the answer to that would be yeah, I have definitely consumed it a time or two.

23. Honestly, do you like someone?
No, I live in a fucking cave and I only speak to the voices in my head. OF COURSE I like someone. LOTS of someones.

24. Honestly, does anyone like you?
Shit, I hope so. They act like they do. They say they do. If I start thinking they're all lying to me, then I start sounding paranoid and psychotic like my husband!

25. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
OOOOHHH, you mean LIKE-like!!! Ah-hah. Now I get it. Then I revise the answers to the previous two questions. Yes, I kinda like someone but not in the way that would ever amount to anything other than the occasional daydream. No, I don't think anyone likes me like that. And nothing's going anywhere with the person I like because I won't let it. They don't even know.

26. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly?
I guess. Does it matter?

See what happens?

2008-01-03T10:13:00.000-08:00

So, due to various factors (dealing with pregnancy fatigue and morning sickness, the holiday stress, being on the threshhold of hell with regards to my marriage, and general laziness) I haven't posted ANYTHING on, or even been monitoring the Bloop for what seems like eons. Weeks, it's been, actually.

Usually, I keep an eagle-eye on the price of crude oil. I don't know why. Seriously, the price jumped between its all-time trading high of $99.29 and its mid-December niceties in the low-$90 range, and in November even dropped back into the $80s. Yet the actual price at the pump really didn't fluctuate all that much. Two weeks ago, I filled up for $2.71 a gallon, a darn good price if you ask me (trying hard not to think that it was $1.47 in 2000, and I remember $0.99 in the mid-1990s). Two weeks before that, I filled up for $2.72 a gallon. It really wasn't moving, so I started to lose interest.

For the longest time, all the doomsayers went on and on about how it would hit $100 a barrel by the end of the year (2007, that was). I believed it, then I saw all the prices drop, and my little "Pain In The Gas" doo-hickey over there to your right never got its thingie lit up anymore (the thingie that says ***Indicates new record high). So, yawn, I started thinking, like every other American sheep in the fold, eh, it'll never happen. And it didn't.

It waited until the 2nd day of 2008 to hit $100 a barrel. That was yesterday. I missed it.

So now, in trading, it is around $99.50, hovering there steadily, tap-dancing all over the previous trading high, and yesterday it hit $100.09 in trading, touching on $100 again today. What made me check was that I noticed I need gas again this morning (living closer to work now, I fill up every two weeks, give or take, which has been mighty helpful to the ol' checkbook). I smiled quietly to myself and thought of how it only takes $60 to fill up my lovely red truck, blissfully refusing to remember the $75 I dumped for a tank last May when the price at the pump was a staggering $3.04 a gallon. As I drove past RaceTrac, I wondered if I would have the $60 left over after paying the rent, and I glanced up at the sign... and my quiet smile faded. $2.71 was gone! Now it was $2.88! HUH?? Further down the street, at Citgo (where I won't stop anyway) it was $2.94! WTF?

Upon arriving at work, I read the $100 a barrel news, and now I know why. The holidays are over, the oil companies know we have nothing else to spend our money on (you know, rent and food and electricity are such trivial things!) and so they're raising the prices at the pump to reflect the price per barrel. They're blaming some sort of production shortage in Mexico and violence in Venezuela. Of course, if not for that, they'd be blaming the toenail fungus of a major political figure in Uzbekistan. It's always something.

So, I paid my rent today, giving me $104 to make it through the next two weeks. (Only because I saved $150 from my last check to begin with... one whole check isn't enough for the rent.) Now the $60 gas allotment isn't going to give me a full tank. I guess I will have to be satisfied with whatever it DOES give me. The remaining $44 has to go to diapers and maybe some bread, maybe not. Apple juice, possibly... the kids like that stuff. Milk is free... thank goodness for WIC.

One good bit of news - I took Jerm's advice. The man who breathes the air and eats the food at home still hasn't gotten a job... so I shut off his internet. Booya.

Happy... to ya!

2007-12-21T06:47:00.000-08:00

HAPPY HOLIDAYS...
MERRY CHRISTMAS...
HAPPY SOLSTICE...
JOYFUL JESUS DAY...
Whatever you celebrate... make it a good one.

Stop me if I'm wrong...

2007-12-14T11:46:00.000-08:00

Would this piss you off?

I'm at work. My husband calls, like he does at least four times every day when he's not mad at me. I pick up the phone. He asks if I'm busy. Well, I kinda am, but I tell him no. So he makes a request...

...he asks me if I will go online, because he's sent me an email to my Gmail account. Can I get the file he sent, which is a Christmas card in Russian, then convert it to HTML and send it back to him so he can post it to the comments section of the Russian Playboy Playmate on his MySpace friends list?

WTF???

I'm at work, first of all, and although I use my lunch break (and Friday afternoons, and days when it's slow, etc.) to make blog posts and occasionally pop onto MySpace to see if my old military friend has left me a message, I don't usually take requests. And I don't always have time to just jump online. (Obviously I do now, but this really pissed me off.)

Now, you must take into account the fact that I am really upset and bitter at this man every single day of my life, primarily because I have to drag my morning-sick, first-trimester-tired butt to work every morning while he snoozes away under warm covers, happy as a lark. Even more ingratiating is that he won't even LOOK for, let alone actually GET, a job, any type of gainful employment whatsoever, even though we are falling desperately behind in such key areas like power bills and gasoline and diapers. Oh, and food, let's not forget that one.

We are in terrible need of a second income. So he reminds me that I did say I was going to get a second job, whatever happened to that? We found out I was pregnant again, that's what!!! But hey, don't complain if I'm not willing to work those extra hours.

The fatigue I have with this, the sixth pregnancy, is worse than any I have experienced before. Probably because this is my SIXTH baby!! (Just guessing, here.) The morning sickness is low-grade nausea and food aversion that lasts from approximately three minutes after I wake up in the morning to three minutes after I fall asleep at night. That's just the physical aggravation...

Factor in that Christmas for my 4-year and 2-year was effectively canceled. Not one single gift under the tree. I am not exaggerating. I finally broke down and registered with a charity group, and luckily I got the kids adopted by a lady in the area, who went out and purchased Christmas gifts for them both. Still, I have to take half of my check this coming Friday and pay the midwife the downpayment for her services, which was unexpected (just lucky it's there) and will probably result in the heat and lights getting turned off. The entire next check has to go for rent. The half left over this next week will have to be saved towards rent (one whole check won't do it - I only get $600 every two weeks) and somehow in there I have to find money for food, gasoline and diapers.

It's not going to happen. It's just not there.

Meanwhile, he spends 6-8 hours a DAY online, mostly on MySpace. The rest of the time is looking for "sexy" pictures to put on his MySpace. And adult sites, let's not forget those. He spends more time on MySpace than the average lonely 17-year old. My computer has more porn-site viruses, adware and trojans on it than I ever thought possible.

While this is happening, there's his excuse for not working: the children. They are crammed into a 720-square foot one-bedroom apartment all day. Never get outside to play. PBS is on the television at least 12 hours straight. Their toys are locked in the closet (because HE doesn't want to pick them up). They read their books, sometimes color, run back and forth between the living room and the bedroom and cry a lot. They get 2, sometimes 3, peanut butter (no jelly) sandwiches a day (because it's quick, and he can get back online in a matter of moments) and endless cups of juice (to the point of giving them diarrhea). No milk, no hot meals, no playful interaction... that's it.

And he wants me to get a second job so he can continue this pattern. What happens when I give birth? Well, I don't know, if I don't get that second job, how are we supposed to save money for the four weeks I can't work? (Six weeks at my main job, but I won't be able to afford to take that long off altogether.) He's gotta be able to take care of all three kids, after all, and I'll have to bring home money for that to happen.

Dammit, now I've made HIM angry. I told him I wasn't wasting my lunch hour converting files so he could message the whores on MySpace that he's all hot and bothered over. He could figure out how to do it himself. So he got snippy and said "Sorry I bothered you." I hung up on him.

So tell me.... would it have pissed YOU off?

I got this bridge in Arizona...

2007-12-06T10:52:00.000-08:00

Some people will buy absolutely anything.

****
A man was sentenced to more than four years in prison for bilking friends and family out of more than $800,000 by convincing them that his wife was a government agent who could arrange to have their medical problems diagnosed by satellite imaging.

Brent Eric Finley, 38, of Rayville, was sentenced in federal court in Monroe to serve 51 months in prison followed by three years of supervised release. His wife, Stacey Finley, was sentenced in August to spend 63 months in prison and both are ordered to jointly pay restitution in the amount of $873,786.94.

The Finleys pleaded guilty in August to wire fraud, according to court records.

U.S. Attorney Donald W. Washington said in a news release following Monday's sentencing of Brent Finley that the couple convinced numerous people that Stacey Finley was a CIA agent and with her contacts she could schedule a medical scan of the victims' bodies by satellite imaging that would detect any hidden medical problems.

The Finleys convinced their victims that, if any medical problems were found, secret agents would administer medicine to them as they slept in exchange for payment, according to a bill of information filed when the Finleys were charged in May.

"These audacious criminals should remind all of us that scam artists will go to great lengths to take our life's savings," Washington said.
****

I'm not so sure I would call them audacious. They just happened to know some very stupid people. Stupid people who apparently had money to spare.

Wow. I wish I knew some stupid, wealthy people. I have some ocean-front property in Central Nevada, very nice view, lots of trees, cool breezes... and I could sign the deed over to ya for dirt-cheap, I swear I'll make you an unbelievable deal...

Virus

2007-12-06T07:51:00.000-08:00

I hate being sick.

That's all I got to say about that.

So many warning signs...

2007-11-27T10:34:00.000-08:00

The story had all the makings of a modern-day fairy tale romance. The instant attraction, the forbidden passion, the Romeo & Juliet style running-away to rendezvous, the devotion that defied ethnic barriers, continental divides and age-of-consent laws. Ah, young love.

But, it's over now. The light finally shone true for the love-stricken lass, and she was forced to decide...

Okay, enough of that. First of all, the romance started on MySpace. Let me tell you something, I have a MySpace account and I assure you, 90% of the people on there lie. Not just in the way of glossing things over, but flat-out lying their asses off. I know because I've seen my stepson's page, and my sister's page, and even my husband's page, and so there you have it. You can't believe a damn thing on there. Even people who DON'T use MySpace know it's full of liars... who hasn't heard the recent drama regarding the little girl who killed herself over a failed MySpace romance, and it turned out the "boy" involved was made up by the mom of a classmate who lived down the street?

Okay, so warning sign #1 - the thing started on MySpace. What's #2? He's Palestinian, she's American. This in and of itself is not a big deal, but the fact that at age 16 she ran away from home and was caught in a Palestinian airport on her way to see him... well, this does not bode well. Cross-ethnic relationships are one thing, but it's probably best to actually reside in the same, or at least friendly, neighboring countries, before you try the romance thing.

It is also imperative, when mixing cultures, to understand that things are just... well... different in other countries. Especially for women, especially in Middle Eastern countries. For instance:

"(Katherine) Lester told (Abdullah) Jinzawi he was possessive and swore at her. Under questioning by host Phil McGraw, Jinzawi denied being verbally abusive but said he called her names."

Possessive? Verbally abusive? Naaaah. Guys in the Mid East are nothing BUT respectful and loving to their women!!

Oh, and the whole "host Phil McGraw" thing? Well, keeping to the spirit of initiating the romance online and conducting the affair primarily over the internet, she broke up with him on television.

L'amour. Who said romance is dead??

Purple Turkeys

2007-11-20T14:21:00.000-08:00

Have a great holiday, everyone!

Sorry, Jerm...

2007-11-15T14:24:00.001-08:00

I think Jerm was a bit uncomfortable with the negative personal information revealed in the last post. Sorry bout that, buddy. I was just venting.

So, here: Something new to discuss.

My opinion - she ain't even pretty. Never was. Just drawing out those fifteen lil' minutes of fame into something shameful and pathetic. Playboy can make anyone look pretty with some computer-assisted retouching and creative lighting.

Just changing the subject, heh.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful

2007-11-15T13:03:00.000-08:00

Does this look like November to you?

Actually, according to one news station, that temperature on Sunday is supposed to be 80, and on Monday 82.

The "good" news is that the high on Wednesday is maybe going to happen around noon, and then temps will be steadily falling after that. They were saying that on Thanksgiving Day, the highs will only be in the 40s, and it will be rainy and windy.

Now THAT is what I call "Fall Weather." The above forecast would have been rockin', say, the last week of September. Of course, I complain now, but come March I will be dreaming of the warm days of spring... and then it will be cold and miserable. Maybe. I thought this last spring was great, personally. It rained almost every day for something like four months. I haven't been back to the desert in many years, but I grew up there, the first almost-19 years of my life, and so rain is still a novelty for me.

It's just hard to get in a holiday-type mood when it's 84 degrees outside. And when you have no money. But that's another story.

The Other Story

The spousal unit still doesn't have a job. Could it be because he's not looking? Methinks that has something to do with it. Of course, in his mind, it's really my fault because I haven't dropped off the application he picked up and filled out last week. He dropped one off, but it's up to me to get the other to the potential employer. I am more of the opinion that if he was truly serious, he'd fax it to them, mail it to them, or do whatever else it took. Possibly even... hmm... look in other places. It is the holiday season, and many places are hiring workers, and after the holiday season work will be much harder to find. Not that this makes any difference to him, because he really doesn't WANT to work.

He apparently doesn't want to have a place to live or food to eat, either.

But I can't make him get a job. The more I nag, the less he does (not that he's doing anything now). The slowly-encroaching panic I feel also seems to contribute to his total lack of motivation. The more I show that this whole situation upsets me, the more inclined he is to spend his entire day posting suggestive pictures on his MySpace, listening to music on the computer and/or watching movies while not-supervising my children.

Oh boy. This man needs to go away. Far away. Like maybe to his sister's house. That's three hours away. That would be good for a start. He could stay there for like six or eight... years? Eons? That would be even better. If he's not going to be a man and help take care of his family, he needs to move along. I've tried leaving, and I won't put my babies through that again. If he leaves, though, we could get on with things. I know my poor little boy would be happier, that's for damn sure.

Grr... blah... yech...

2007-11-08T13:59:00.000-08:00

I feel like crap. Not physically, although I am tired. But mentally. I've been under so much stress for so long my head feels like the guy on Jerm's blog.

That has been bugging me all day, btw. Thanks a lot, Jerm. Now I'll probably have nightmares, too. Just what I need.

:)

I don't want to move. But that's like saying I don't want to breathe. It's not exactly a choice. When the guy who owns the property says get the fuck out, then sooner or later, you gotta get the fuck out. I mean, we could stay and be squatters, and force the landowner to go to court and have us evicted, but then somewhere in the Christmas timeframe, I'd be watching constables literally pitch my possesions onto the front lawn... and somehow I think I'd feel worse about that than I do about having to move.

So I get to look forward to stuffing half of what I own into an over-priced Public Storage garage, and cramming the other half (and all of us) into a little one-bedroom apartment . Happiness, I tell ya. My kids who adore playing in their small but utterly beloved backyard kingdom get to downgrade to a public playground two blocks away. My son, who simply LOVES his own decorated, personalized bedroom, gets to learn how to share a room with me and his baby sister while dad gets demoted to the couch. I could expand forever on how shitty this could be, but I'm trying to be positive. It's not... really working.

Maybe I'm just having a bad day.

Some positive things...
---I have a job. Therefore my truck is not going to be repossessed, because if I have to live in THAT, I will not miss the payment.
---My kids are relatively healthy. My son has asthma but it's under control. No developmental disabilities to cost us thousands of extra dollars, not to mention the extra emotional stress. And we have insurance if someone does get sick.
---We will have a place to live (assuming they have a unit open - I'm trying not to think of the other complexes I've looked into, the slums and ghettos, where we'll be forced to go if this one has no available units). I am still not entirely sure how I will pay the rent, utilities and truck payment while still having to feed us, pay insurance and buy things like, oh, I dunno, gasoline, diapers and clothes for growing kids... but since murdering my lazy, unemployed husband is out of the question, I guess I'll just nag him till he gets a job.
---I have a TV. In fact I have 2. I have a DVD player. Actually, I have 2 of those, also. This means when I get home from work to my itsy-bitsy little apartment and two screaming, cooped-up children, (and the aforementioned unemployed husband) I can always give the kids Benadryl and curl up to watch Firefly on DVD. Wonderful escape, I tell ya.

Kidding. About the Benadryl. Okay, maybe only half-kidding.

Well, somehow I will get through. We always do, don't we??

Kid Swap

2007-11-07T11:25:00.001-08:00

A few weeks ago, I read about a couple of kids in some European country (I think these were Czech families) that had been accidentally switched at birth. At the age of nine months, they were going to be switched back to their biological parents. My initial thought was, how could they??! I mean, directly after giving birth to my children, I fell in love with them and spent the ensuing weeks and months bonding and cementing that love into place. At nine months of age, a baby is only just beginning to develop an individual personality and could probably be switched without long-term psychological damage, but the fact remains that in that period of time you have learned to LOVE that child. Replace that child with another baby, biological or not, and it would certainly have a profound psychological effect on ME.

Well, then today, I read about another set of families that had switched children. These boys are four years old, and they are going to swap back. This, I think, borders on completely inhumane. I have a four-year old boy, and I simply cannot fathom giving him to someone else in exchange for another strange four-year old boy. Biological or not, that little one is still a stranger to you and your entire family.

I don't know if it's because I don't have a connection with my own biological parents (though I know them, and in fact, I was raised by my bio-mother's uncle, so the adoption remained within the family) or because I've had enough kids to cherish that bond between baby and mom more than anything in this world, but from my own perspective, my first instinct would be to keep the child I have bonded with. My 4-year old is a unique individual, and regardless of biological relation, I would not be able to simply say, "Here, you take this one, and then give me that one."

People give children up for adoption every day. You live your entire life knowing there's a person out there that you are directly responsible for creating, but you never know them and they never know you. Many of those people go on to have other children in their lives, and although they probably always remember and think of the baby they gave up, I don't think that they are unable to function because they can't be with their child. I have three children that I haven't seen in over six years, and it hurts every day, but I talk to them when I can and I cope. Loving all my children the way I do, I can't imagine giving one of them up in exchange for another child, as if the non-related child never meant anything at all to me.

I guess I was lucky. I never even thought about the possibility of a switch. When my first was born, it was in an Air Force hospital and I was the only one there. By the time I left, there were two other newborns, but mine was the only girl. I knew I'd gotten the right baby when I walked out (with that cute little red birthmark over her eye). My second and third (born a mere fifteen months apart, delivered by the same doctor in the same hospital room) were birthed in a hospital where the baby stayed in the room with the mom. On the one single occasion they had to be taken out for a blood-draw or something, the nurses compared and double-checked the matching ID bracelets on mommy and baby. Babies Four and Five were each homebirths and didn't leave my side until they were, like, fourteen months old.

I know in my heart that love is more than genetic. I wouldn't trade my parents for my bio-units in a million years. They have their faults, but they love me and raised me well, while my DNA-donors couldn't have cared less about me or even the kids they kept. I also know that if someone tried to take my two-year old Tootsie Pop away from me today, for any reason, I would kill them with my bare hands. I know she's mine, but if it came to light that she wasn't genetically mine, while some other two-year old was, I'd have to say okay, let's keep in touch - but you can't have the one I've raised.

I don't know how people do it, just switch like that... as if having the child of your loins is more important than having the child of your heart. I guess for some people it is. I only know it wouldn't be for me.

Thanks, Sneff

2007-11-05T11:23:00.000-08:00

Cyclefreak clarified for me that the post below was not actually written by Jay Leno. I'd actually wondered about that, but I was in a seriously bad mood that day so I posted my reply anyway.

I don't mind if anything I say gets debunked by someone who recognizes it as urban legend. Hell, I want you to tell me if I have it wrong, to prevent me from looking like a jackass. I'll do the same for you, trust me.

But at the end of it all, someone wrote that email. Some big-headed, stupid-ass who wanted to feel important, very likely. They pissed me off, whoever they are. And I know for a fact that there are actually wealthy or privileged people out there who have those exact sentiments, which makes me wanna scratch their eyes out. None of my reply contained falsity or exaggeration, regardless of the authenticity of the instigating article.

On a Lighter Note...

Do you know where peacocks come from? My son asked me where they come from. I told him I thought they came from China. He made an exasperated noise and informed me that, NOOOO, they come from the ocean. I must have looked very puzzled because he quickly assured me that they don't sleep in the ocean. They sleep in the subway. And they eat weeds. Grover said so.

Thank you, Sesame Street. You've done wonders for my child's imagination.

Speaking of influences, my two-year old daughter was sitting on the couch next to me the other day, and a brightly-colored Christmas-themed commercial came on the TV, advertising what wonders of the season you could find at some over-priced retailer. Before I could say a word, my daughter popped her juice cup out of her mouth and shouted, "Holy shit!" just as clear as day. It was hard not to laugh as I told her that was a bad word.

Shocking as that may seem, it was nowhere near as stunning as later that evening when I was running her bathwater. She was demanding bubbles. I told her twice that it was too late for bubbles, we were just taking a quick bath and going to bed. After the third shriek for bubbles, I said, "NO, Gabbi, no bubbles!" So she shouted "FUCK!" and threw her plastic boat across the bathroom.

For that, I thank her father. No way she got THAT from Grover or Big Bird.

See what you have to look forward to, future Cheney parents?

Friday 55

2007-11-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

Idea courtesy of James Goodman, awesome horror writer extraordinaire, here's a creative nugget from my cluttered imagination, in 55 words exactly:
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My baby told me there was a monster. I didn’t believe her until I saw the blood, then I had to kill the monster although my baby was already ruined. They put me in cuffs, and asked me why. They don’t believe in monsters, either, anymore than I could believe that I had married one.

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Click on "Goody's Place" to the right to see his! (Trust me, he rocks.)

Fuck you, Jay Leno

2007-11-01T09:52:00.000-07:00

The first part of this horrifically long post is the forwarded email I got from a relative, with something Jay Leno wrote. The second part is the response I bravely fired off to every single person on the distribution list. Comments welcome.

***********************************************

Jay Leno wrote this; it's the Jay Leno we don't often see....

"The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true, given the source, right?

The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed, and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President. In essence, 2/3's of the citizenry just isn't happy and want a change.

So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ''What are we so unhappy about?''

Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day,7 days a week?

Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?

Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job?

Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at anytime, and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?

Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?

Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter?

I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough.

Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all, and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top-notch equipment to extinguish the flames, thus saving you, your family and your belongings.

Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler or intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss.

This, all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world?

Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy. Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S., yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the President who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The President who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same President who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The President that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks? The Commander-In Chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?

Think about it... are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the "Media" told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day?

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want, but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds, it leads; and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend their actions by "justifying" them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about "how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way"...Insane!

Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad. We are among the most blessed people on Earth, and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.

With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

Jay Leno 2007 Please keep this in circulation. There are so many people that need to read this and grasp the truth of it all.

*************************************************

Oh yeah. This is great. Especially coming from a guy who will never ever have to worry about that "24-hours-a-day power and water" getting cut off because he had to choose between paying the bill or feeding his kids... America is absolutely tits-and-ass for the 10% of the population that possesses 90% of the money. The rest of us watch oil prices reaching record highs and stay awake at night wondering how we will buy gas for our financed vehicles to get us to the pitifully low-paying jobs that 80% of us are forced to take.

Don't get me wrong, I salute the volunteer forces fighting the foreign war - none of the economic crisis is actually their fault. They're doing what's right and they deserve to be called heroes, but excuse me, they should have never been placed in the position of HAVING to volunteer. Are we all just forgetting, or are we choosing to overlook, that George Bush made up an excuse to invade Iraq ("The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." --George W. Bush, State of the Union Address, Jan. 28, 2003, making a claim that administration officials knew at the time to be false) and how many innocent Iraqi children and non-combantant civilians have died right alongside our valiant soldiers because of it?

Bush was great right after 9/11. All the politicians and leaders were great. I give them full credit for leading the nation through terror and crisis. But after the furor died down, their decisions regarding the response of the military and the search for the terrorist groups behind the attacks was downright irresponsible, completely motivated by greed and political gain. Some of us refuse to see that. There are others that are sick of being blinded, however.

I can support the troops without supporting the war. I can honor the soldiers, and feel pride and fear for them, without honoring their Commander-in-Chief.

We live in the greatest, richest and most willfully-blind nation in the world. We won't let ourselves see what's actually happening outside of our own sheltered little lives. It's not paradise revisited for everyone. All of the amenities are there for those who can afford it, but it gets rubbed in the face of the powerless working-poor who cannot. The media IS behind much of the selfish, greedy attitude of much of the nation - I ask you, however, who Jay Leno works for, and who has made him the coddled multi-millionaire that he is. NBC. One of the greatest drama-queen networks in existence. So who is he to talk?

I love America. Nowhere else would I be able to rant like this. But I hate the politicians who smile and tell us everything is peachy while reaching behind us and either stealing our wallets or just flat-out shafting us. ("You work three jobs? ... Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." --George W. Bush, to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005 ) So I vote, which is all I can do to try and change things. And I work, and watch my family fall farther and farther behind. Inside, I burn with helpless rage as the people around me spend frivolous amounts of money on stupid things I will never be able to afford, like those flat-screen TVs Leno mentioned, or those big SUVs that suck down all the gas I likewise can't afford. All I want is winter clothes for my kids. Screw TVs and new computers and cell phones and iPods. I want the basics - I work my ass off and have to choose between the power bill and a coat for my son, the car insurance or food for a week.

Jay Leno can go bugger himself. After he spends months working his ass off in an average, low-level office job only to discover he's going to be evicted right after Thanksgiving because he can't pay the rent; only after he has to stand back and look at those expensive restaurants, fancy hotels, and bountiful stores brimming with holiday treats and realize that all of that is for the elite, living a life called the "American Dream" but which will never be more than just that for your family; only then will I listen to what he has to say about America being a bunch of spoiled brats. Who is he to talk about GOD in the Pledge of Allegiance? He who has dozens of vehicles worth millions of dollars that he just prances around and looks at?? Yeah, God's been great to him.

I don't want hand-outs - I want it to stop being so god-damned one-sided. And I want the rich to stop telling us all how thankful we should be, when they've never had to skip a meal so their kids would have enough to eat the next day. Don't tell me how wrong it is to be ungrateful when all those men and women are over there dying for our freedom. They're not - they're dying for a political agenda not even THEY understand, in the name of IRAQ'S freedom, which the Iraqis never even asked for. War has never been as black-and-white as "take down Bad Guy A, Liberate Country B, go home victorious." No one wins a war - least of all the innocents who shed their blood and die and watch their children die in the name of someone else's idea of freedom.

If all Americans rejoiced in their freedom and danced around praising one God for all of our blessings, even the homeless children and imprisoned convicts, guess what - the soldiers would STILL be over in Iraq, fighting, dying, being forced to kill, and dreaming of home. They aren't fighting to protect our freedom - because Iraq was never threatening our freedom. The Taliban, and al-Qaeda, located in Afghanistan and headed by the likes of Osama bin Laden, were threatening the freedom of the world. Bush went after Saddam. He got him. But he destroyed Iraq's infrastructure in the meantime, and now we're stuck there in a country that is much worse off than it was before we even arrived.

Go ahead and argue with me - there's always going to be disagreement. Another great thing about America, we're each entitled to our own opinions, and I'm voicing mine, though I am not trying to change anyone's mind. We can all believe what we will. I personally encourage that.

Just remember, George W. Bush is the very one who said, "There ought to be limits to freedom," encouraging his staff's attempt to shut down a politically-biased comedy website (The Onion, to be specific - look it up). How long before the government actually has that power? To limit our freedoms? Think about that next time you're singing the praises of a President who believes this country would run great under a dictatorship... so long as he was the dictator. ("If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." --Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000)

Boo to you!!

2007-10-31T07:26:00.001-07:00

Have a spooky day, everyone!!!

Some things money can't buy...

2007-10-30T06:57:00.000-07:00

One jack-o-lantern Halloween candy bucket: $0.99

Buzz Lightyear costume, size 3T: $14.99

Pair of shoes to match costume: $17.99

Extra gas to drive kids to Mom's work for Office Trick-or-Treat Day: $25.00

Watching 4-year old son gang-tackle a well-dressed executive in the 6th-floor hallway, pulling on said executive's arms while shouting, "Look at me! Look at me! I'm Tommy!", realizing that well-dressed executive is actually the CEO of the company, having a minor coronary event while rushing to rescue Mr. Boss-Man from sugar-amped toddler, yet having the Big Man himself simply laugh, tell the boy he wins "Best Costume," and give him a high five before extracting himself and going on his way with a smile: Priceless

And that's a Halloween story I will probably be telling my grandkids, with any luck.

Did you know?

2007-10-18T10:13:00.000-07:00

Watched this today in a staff meeting. It's being used in focus groups being held by the company in order to promote discussion on how we need to shift our perceptions of the world in order to adapt to a changing society.

Really makes you think. (You might want to mute it, the music gets a little irritating by the 3rd or 4th minute...)

Of course, there are countless skeptics who say all this is either fabricated or greatly embellished. They also say Senator Craig is straight, there's no global warming, the housing market is just fine, and Rudy Guliani would make a GREAT president. Go figure.

Doggone It

2007-10-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

So what's the deal with Ellen DeGeneres and this dog-thing everyone's talking about? I watched the whole display yesterday with her bawling on air about the dog-adoption place taking precious little Iggy away from her hairdresser's family, and I'm thinking, is this really worth getting hysterical over?

Long story short: Ellen and her partner, Portia, adopt a dog from an upscale rescue place (that runs out of a pet boutique store) and sign a contract upon the adoption. They spend $3000 on vet bills (who spends thousands on a neuter?) and the dog won't acclimate to life with their cats. So Ellen ever-so-generously gives the dog to her hairdresser, who has two daughters, ages 11 and 12. They bond with the dog, everything's working out, until the adoption place finds out, at which point they say Ellen violated the adoption contract and they go and retrieve the dog.

Then Ellen has an emotional meltdown on her show, and begs the place to return the dog to the heartbroken little girls. The dog-nazis say NO, because their policy prohibits adoptions by families with children under the age of 14. And so it goes. Ellen dedicated another entire show to the issue today, and the dog people have been getting death-threats from devoted fans who apparently have nothing better to do.

Come ON, people!! It's a dog. The kids had it for a month. They WILL get over it. This is not a child, for pete's sake. Are death threats necessary? Would we really regress so far as to commit murder over a stranger's adoption of a mutt? Honestly.

Now, I admit, this doggie-adoption place has their priorities a little skewed. All over the country, millions of dogs are owned by families with small children, and everything's peachy. It's a little on the stupid side to refuse to let this family (who obviously has money - the mom is Ellen DeGeneres' hairdresser) with no history of animal abuse have this little knappy-haired pooch. And also, if someone had taken away my dog when I was 12, I also would have been heartbroken and wailing. But at that point, my mom would have taken me to a shelter and rescued a mutt off of doggie-Death Row to ease the pain.

I can't see spending thousands of dollars to adopt a dog in the first place, and I certainly would not enter into some legally-binding adoption contract regarding said dog. Once I get it home, I don't want anyone doing "routine home visits" to see if I am feeding it nutrionally acceptable food from an aesthetically-pleasing dish, and checking to make sure I've clipped its toenails to the approved length and washed it with aromatic shampoo in water that measured precisely 72 degrees... or whatever. Bottom line is that it would be MY dog in MY house, so the rest of you can get the hell back.

I think animal abusers should be much more harshly punished than they currently are. (In Texas, while animal abuse is a misdemeanor, it's still legal to kill a pet as long as it belongs to you.) I think the world is a sad place where people can't even treat animals with respect, let alone each other. But this makes a parody out of the process of rescuing animals. To truly rescue an animal, one would think this animal was in danger to begin with. Little Iggy wasn't in any danger of euthanization or abuse. He lived in a boutique and had fancier digs than me.

Ellen, do all of us a favor. Shut up. Then, go rescue a dog from a shelter. Fix it up, and give it to the sobbing little girls. Let Iggy go live with some other rich couple. I guarantee the dog doesn't know the difference.

Finally a new post!

2007-10-04T12:36:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes, I know. I haven't even HAD a blog that long, and already I have let weeks lapse without a single post. Well, I have been updating the little gas thingie off to the side, but that can get depressing. The good news is that, as of this post, crude is back below $80 a barrel.

More good news

I have recently been made a permanent employee here at American. I've been a temp for over three months, so it's a great stride forward to finally be a "real" employee. The temps here are only given six months to find permanent placement before they're booted out the door. You have no benefits or flight privileges, no overtime and no sick leave. And you only get $9.25 an hour, regardless of what you do.

Most temps move from department to department, filling roles in whatever capacity is needed using their limited access to apply for internal jobs. It's the same as pounding the pavement, handing out resumes and getting interviewed, except you are actually working here while applying to various vacancies within the company itself. They try to get you to limit yourself to three applications a week, as you aren't paid for interview time and it takes away from your temp duties to go and vie for positions. It's also very aggressive - there's over a hundred people in the temp pool, and typically about five to ten positions a week accepting applications.

I got lucky, though. There was a spot open the day I came on as a temp, working as a staff assistant for the HR-Finance director and his direct staff. He needed someone to fill the position immediately, but the job hadn't posted yet on the internal network. The director wanted someone to work the position as a provisional until he knew whether or not they fit with himself and the team. It was tricky because if he decided I wasn't what he was looking for in a secretary, he could cut me loose without a warning, sending me back into the ever-shifting currents of the temp pool, and I'd have lost the time I was working for him against my six months, leaving me with less opportunity to find something permanent.

It was nerve-wracking for awhile. I sat here for over 12 weeks with no indication from him as to my future status. Then he finally posted the job, and I applied, one amongst seven others who leapt on the chance to fill this spot. It came down to two after the initial interviews, and the other one bombed her interview (she wore something slinky and suggestive, as potential secretaries sometimes do, thinking to portray herself as eye-candy to the man she'd be working for everyday... but that doesn't work on a man who is, shall we say, deeply committed to his life-partner - she just came off as cheap and sleazy).

So here I am. Making a lot more now than $9.25 an hour, finally eligible for flight privileges and in less than a month, health insurance for the first time in years. You could probably hear my sighs of relief there in (insert your location here).

And hopefully, it won't be three weeks before I post again.

One more thing...

My little boy got glasses! Pictures coming soon. ((I PROMISE!))

Yarrrr!

2007-09-19T07:27:00.000-07:00

It's Talk Like A Pirate Day, maties.

What blimey bilge-rats be comin up with such blubbering nonsense, anyway?

Oh, these guys.

Happy Birthday, Little One

By the way, it's also my darling little Gabriella's second birthday. Happy Birthday, sweet Tootsie-Pop! Mama loves you!!

Gabbi and me two years ago...

Gabbi and chocolate two months ago...

Never-Ending Story

2007-09-17T08:49:00.001-07:00

I think it was in 1995. I worked with this guy, name of Gerry, who was the world's most ultimate nerd. For my birthday, he gave me a training manual for Ham Radios - he wanted me to get my operator's license so we could talk on the radio. Now, we worked together, so we talked every day in person, but that apparently wasn't cool enough for him. He was very excited for me. I got about three pages into the book before my geek-alarm went off and I abandoned the concept.

This guy had been in the Air Force for 11 years at that time. I'd been in for two. He still wore his military-issued BCGs, those clunky-framed, plastic-lensed glasses that you expect to see held together with white tape. He always carried around this rather large book, some fantasy novel that he had his nose stuck in at every spare moment. He talked incessantly about his books and his Ham Radios... but this book was part of a series, and he chattered at me to read it. Did I like works of fantasy? Yes, of course - well, I couldn't continue living and breathing unless I read this series, and he pestered me until I took the damn thing to shut him up.

I was instantly hooked. It was a big book, but as a rabid fan of Stephen King, big books were certainly no deterrent for me. I started the first book rather reluctantly, but in a matter of days had stormed my way through it and was clamoring for the second. At this time, I believe fans of this series were anxiously awaiting the release of the fourth novel in the series, the biggest yet in a chain of books that would get progressively larger and more expansive as the years passed.

The series is known as the Wheel of Time, and "Eye of the World", Book One, was my portal into a realm as instantly addictive and breathtaking as anything I'd read since Tolkien. Of course, to any real fan of this series, that catapulting excitement tended to simmer down a bit by, say, Book Six, and I think it was Book Eight that I actually tossed angrily across the room when the plot-line looped back upon itself yet again, but after we fans slogged our dedicated ways through Book Eleven (not counting the damned prequel that reared its unexpected head at us a couple years ago), it looked like the end was FINALLY in sight. The Man Himself, Creator of the Wheel, Robert Jordan, promised that Book Twelve, halle-fuckin-lujah, was the last one. He said, in fact, that if it had to be 2,000 pages long, that was IT. We held our collective breaths, we crossed our collective fingers, we marked our calendars for 2009. It will have taken 19 years, thirteen books and about 12,000 pages, but we shall have our conclusion, our Final Battle on the slopes of Mountain, and the Wheel will be triumphant, dammit.

So, then, yesterday, Robert Jordan died.

Shit.

Book Twelve is in that lovely novel stage known as "notes." The wails of geekdom can be heard echoing across the internet worldwide. Someone will probably pick up those notes and finish the story, but geez. To be so close. He knew he was dying, too. A little rush would have been in order, methinks - lord knows he dragged everything else out, so we would have been okay with a bit of hurry.

But, what can ya do? My condolences to his family, of course - he was an incredibly talented guy despite his falling prey to the lures of mass-market payoffs, hence the horrendously long saga that could have been tidily wrapped up in maybe six books total. He'll be missed in the mainly nerdish world of Fantasy/Sci-Fi. For all of that, I'll probably never think of him again without thinking, callously or not, "Damn... he was SO CLOSE!!!"

Making Headlines

2007-09-10T13:32:00.001-07:00

People, things and stories in the news... and my rather cynical thoughts on the whole mess.

Senator Craig
Shut up and go away. You're guilty, you're not guilty... you're resigning, you're not resigning - no wait, you will probably resign... you solicit for sex in a men's room but you're not gay... Damn, who cares anymore!!??

Britney
Your fifteen minutes of fame were up three years ago. Take a hike, you non-talented ho.

Pavarotti
Was talented. Now dead. Let's move on.

6th Anniversary of 9/11
We've been hearing about it since September 1st, and will probably KEEP hearing about it until September 3oth. What better way to further desensitize the American Flock of Sheep to something important than to hound it to death in the media?

Patraeus
He's a liar and Bush's crony. This war ain't going anywhere, regardless of what this moron says.

Buried Miners in Utah
Oh, they finally had a memorial service. It took them six weeks to decide their guys were probably dead?

Hurricanes
Okay, do we truly need a city-by-city report of what amounts to a big rainstorm as it moves across the country?

Parents of Madeleine McCann
It's one thing to be despicable people who would lie to the world for monetary gain (to the tune of $2 million), you see that all the time. But to kill your own child (of course, this hasn't been proven but there's some pretty compelling evidence) and then play off the sympathy of the entire world? How do you walk around wailing and pleading for your baby's safe return, knowing all the while she's dead and you did it?? What the hell is wrong with people, anyway?

And then there's this...
Why? Who cares? What difference does it make? They died 1,173 years ago, who cares how they were related or what they ate? For cryin' out loud.

Emmy in a Box

2007-09-07T07:51:00.000-07:00

SNL's Christmas skit featuring the song "Dick in a Box" is actually up for an Emmy award.

See the uncensored version here (probably not okay for work, unless you use earbuds, like I did): http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/uncensored.shtml

I saw this skit when it was originally aired, in its edited form, and I totally laughed my ass off. It's so cheesy but it still manages to pull off an air of hilarity that is vaguely reminiscent of the early-90s SNL. You know, back when it was still funny.

However, for all of that, I can't say that it's Emmy material. I did have to agree with Andy Samberg, who appeared with Justin Timberlake in the skit, when he said he didn't know which would be better, winning the award or knowing they'd have to engrave the name of the song on the award itself. Considering they won't even print the name of it in most media (settling instead for "D*** in a Box" or just SNL's "Box" skit), I wonder how they will tackle the announcing of the nomination.

Samberg also did the infamous "Lazy Sunday" skit, which was just as funny, I thought. Wikpedia says that "Dick in a Box" already won a Primetime Emmy, which I find odd because I didn't realize SNL, which airs at 11:30 pm Eastern/Pacific time on Saturday nights (10:30 for us Okies and Texans), qualified as primetime.

Love in the Heartland

2007-08-31T12:27:00.001-07:00

Today, Iowa had its first legal gay marriage. Of course, the judge who overturned the unconstitutional ruling banning gay marriage, issued a verbal stay of his own judgement within hours of the overturning. So, immediately, they had to stop accepting the marriage-license applications. In other words, they allowed a same-sex marriage to take place, but now the state is back in legal limbo on the whole issue, and will probably end up making it illegal again, overturning the marriage that happened today in the meantime.

I don't get this. I mean, I seriously CANNOT wrap my head around it. Why in the name of logic and sanity is gay marriage not allowed? What century are we living in? All these states that are passing these "Defense of Marriage" bills, placing it into their constitutions that marriage is between "a man and a woman" only, are, I swear, the most backwards, idiotic and narrow-minded places in the universe! We live in a world where child molesters walk free on technicalities, sports "heroes" torture and kill animals for profit, politicians vote to spend billions on a pointless, deadly war while half the nation's children are without health care and decent education, and these morons are worried about the fact that two loving people, average everyday people who are not committing crimes or hurting a soul, want to get married but happen to be of the same gender. OH MY GAWD, we can't have THAT!!! It corrupts the goodness and purity of the sacred union of marriage!

Domestic violence shelters are FULL, people. There is not enough room for the women and children who need safety and protection from the legal husbands and opposite-gender boyfriends who are hurting them. The divorce rate, last I heard, was about 60% in the first five years for first marriages, and the vast majority of people are married more than once (my husband, who is my 2nd, is on his 4th marriage). Hate and abuse and misery are rampant - not everywhere, and not just with heterosexual couples, but it abounds nonetheless. My husband, who is verbally and emotionally abusive, can get married unchecked four times, but two gay men who love each other and have never had more than the occasional lovers' quarrel can't even get married once. My sister-in-law, who is an even bigger piece of shit than her brother, can also get married without hassle four or five times, but two honest, hardworking, law-abiding and responsible gay women can't even ask for a license, let alone actually marry each other.

It isn't fair. People are people, and love is scarce. Why are these fools in charge saying that it's a sin and an affront to God for gays to marry, when you know 90% of these self-same politicians are cheating on their wives, cheating on their taxes and who knows what other "affronts to God"? Who are they to make that judgement, anyway? Separation of church and state should take care of this, since theoretically the whole "only between a man and a woman" thing comes from the Bible and the only people who have issues with it are those who are either homophobes or are preaching that love of this kind is a "sin" (usually both).

I'm not gay, but I know plenty of people who are, and their relationships with their partners are a lot more healthy and fulfilling than mine is with my husband. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of man-woman marriages that are wonderful and strong, but heterosexuality should not be a pre-qualifier to being married. Marriage is a state of mind, a way of life, and although the piece of paper given to you by the state is important in terms of health insurance, legal rights, child custody, etc., that paper is not marriage itself. That being said, it should also not be withheld due to what amounts to gender discrimination.

Hook 'em Horns! WAIT, I'm just kidding!!

2007-08-28T07:01:00.000-07:00

This takes fandom to a level that is absolutely nuts (pun definitely intended):

"Church Deacon, OU fan, tears scrotum of UT fan in bar fight."

The thing that made me just shake my head (aside from the idea that having one's nutsack ripped open even makes ME wince... I mean, fuckin OUCH) is when the Sooner's attorney, a guy with the dubious name of Billy Bock, says about his client, "Sure, he's an OU fan. Not necessarily an overboard, die-hard OU fan..."

Say what? Geez, guys, what does it take to be called a die-hard OU fan? If manually tearing open a man's testicles because said man is wearing a Longhorns T-shirt does not qualify you as a completely over-the-top OU fan, then I am not sure I want to know exactly what has to be done to earn that distinction.

The fact that our smooth-mannered Sooner was a church deacon just happens to be the icing on this somewhat gruesome little cake. ONLY in Oklahoma, folks.

Remarkably Smart

2007-08-27T17:20:00.000-07:00

My little man started school today. Pre-K, which would be called HeadStart in Oklahoma. I missed the drop-off and pick-up for him, since I'm the Working Parent, but I hear that he bolted towards the classroom so fast his dad didn't even get a chance to tell him good-bye. He's been excited about school for weeks (Tommy, not his dad).

The teacher's assistant reportedly said at pick-up (a whole three hours later) that Tommy was "remarkably smart" and "an absolute joy." Well, I knew that. Dad's chest swelled with pride; mine too, after all I am the one who taught the Boy Genius how to count to 100, spell words like "envelope" and "Cingular", write his name, sound out words, recognize every shape from circles to hexagons, know every color from red to chartreuse, program phone numbers into the phone, build strip malls with Tonka trucks on the computer, etc. His dad taught him the appropriate use of certain cuss-words, how to throw dirty underwear into the corner instead of the middle of the floor, and how to bring him a coke without shaking it up too much. Yes, my child is smart.

I also know he is a joy, with his bubbly personality and infectious laugh. MY chest swells with pride, this I know. At least the pride kept my little guy on his dad's good side the rest of the afternoon. It even earned him a popsicle when he got home. Way to go!

I do wish Pre-K lasted a little longer than 3 hours. It almost seems like a tease to keep them only that long. Especially smarties like my boy. He WANTS to be at school, WANTS to learn and socialize. HeadStart in Oklahoma at least goes most of the day. The issue is probably that there's not enough space for all the kids who qualify to be in the program for a full day. The admittance is based on low-income guidelines, with the idea that if you make over a certain amount of money, you can pay for private pre-school.

Speaking of that, it sure would be nice to celebrate the Back-to-School Season by winning that MegaMillions Jackpot worth $250 million. Of course, I'd take the cash option, so I'd only get about $146 million, pre-tax. Post-tax, I'd stuff it into some big-ass offshore account where the interest can accrue tax-free, then just donate a certain percentage of my annual interest to charities that will actually use the money for worthwhile causes. Better than paying capital gains tax to fund W's Iraqi Oil Extravaganza.

Oh, and I'd definitely share a chunk with y'all in the Bloop. I would! Really! There'd be a helluva party, I swear.

We Interrupt This Broadcast to Bring You...

2007-08-22T14:13:00.000-07:00

BREAKING NEWS usually gets your attention.

BREAKING NEWS usually means it's important, at least to someone.

BREAKING NEWS makes you want to get the full story!!!

Unless it's BREAKING NEWS: Police officer arrested, accused of slapping woman's bare buttocks.

How in the hell does someone consider that worthy of its own midday email to thousands of breaking-news subscribers? "Explosion at Downtown Gas Plant" was one thing - that I can understand as interesting, and even important since it closed down two highways for the afternoon commute. "Space Shuttle Lands Successfully Despite Damaged Tiles" was iffy; I could probably have waited on that one, but some people probably cared. "Bridge Collapses in Minnesota; Dozens Feared Dead" was definitely in the breaking news catagory, because I'm sure some Texans had relatives up there.

But this? C'mon, guys. Journalism of this sort makes it a little easier to understand why I wake up sometimes feeling like this country is teetering on the edge of societal collapse. I wonder what's next? "This Just In: President Bush has just completed reading the novel If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, completing the book in just under four days."

Well, no, I guess that actually would be quite amazing.

Moon Fairies

2007-08-20T09:03:00.000-07:00

My son has the sweetest little imagination. He's 4-1/2, and just as cute as a button. Big brown cow-eyes and the brightest smile. Last night, after his bath, he came up to me with this look of wonder on his face. He had something in his hands. "Mama, come see!" he whispered.

"What do you have?" I asked, intrigued as to what could be so wondrous and awe-inspiring.

He held up his little hands and in them was a wadded up, dripping wet baby-sized pink washcloth. I must have looked perplexed, because he quickly unwrapped the soaked bundle to reveal a small, plastic Fisher-Price Little Person, which is part of his baby sister's dollhouse set. He then launched into his story of what, exactly, I was looking at.

"She's a moon fairy," he whispered reverently, cradling the tiny, wet doll in his hands. "Her name is Luna, like the big moon, and she came down to me in her pink popper-moon, from where she lives in the blue sky with all the stars and the other fairies."

Now, I don't know what a popper-moon is, nor did I realize the moon fairies lived amongst the stars (I thought they lived in the bushes across the street - that's what he told me last week), but he was just so damn cute, standing there with a wet cloth and a plastic doll, which in his mind was a fairy who came to visit him.

At that moment, I simply could not for the life of me envision how anyone could find it in their hearts to hurt a little child, to abuse a small boy like this, to call him names or treat him like a dog. All too soon he will be a big boy, past the imaginings of fairies and popper-moons and baby-dolls. What will he be like, how will he turn out, if he continues to be treated as though he was stupid and insignificant by the only male authority figure in his life?

I hugged my little boy last night, and wished for him that he somehow manages to always stay this sweet and innocent... and I wished for some vision to come into my head of how I can save him and his sister from this mess I've gotten us into. My gentle little man deserves better.

Signs that make ya go.... Huh?

2007-08-17T07:19:00.000-07:00

Standing there, putting overpriced fuel into my truck, I look up and see this sign affixed to the pump I'm using: "Like Fine Wine... only it tastes nasty." Next to a picture of a gas-pump nozzle.

In what possible way is gasoline like fine wine? Oh, I know what they're trying to say... you're putting the absolute best into your vehicle when you use our fuel, etc. etc. But since all of our fuel is refined in pretty much the same way, unless they're putting unnecessary additives into it, isn't it all the same, more or less?

Another sign, advertising fuel for the same station, but this one on a billboard: "Top-Ten Rated... even cleans behind your engine's ears." Now that one's just stupid.

Stuck to the tailgate of a beat-up truck full of what appeared to be individuals born south of America's borders: "Free Hail Inspections."

Damn. And to think, all this time, I could have been getting my hail inspected for free!

Why??

2007-08-15T10:40:00.000-07:00

Why won't my last post show up??

Do Not Attempt

2007-08-15T09:50:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen those commercials (of course you have) where the car/truck/SUV is driving super fast around a tight curve, or bouncing merrily through muddy streambeds, or hurling themselves over the tops of sandy dunes? And there it is, in teeny-tiny little print on the bottom of the screen, "Professional Driver. Closed Course. Do Not Attempt." Well, duh. I like my truck. I have no intention of breaking an axle trying to scream over the top of a couple of fallen trees in the middle of the woods. I tend to stick to well-paved surfaces, or at least whatever passes for roads in Texas.

I even saw a commercial with a Ford (I think) that was driving all over the place - literally up the sides of buildings and across ledges with only two tires actually on a surface, like it was driving on the air itself. And the little message popped up on the bottom, but it was tongue-in-cheek: "Yes, this is fake. Cars can't really drive on buildings." or some such.

Then there's this: an AT&T high-speed internet commercial that shows a fast car, signifying how much faster you can go with their service (which is bull), how much more streamlined and cool it is, etc. etc. It has the usual disclaimer at the bottom, Closed Course Do Not Attempt. This is where I'm confused. Attempt what? Because the car, you see, is just driving down the road. It's going fast, yes, but it's just a straight, flat road with no turns, stops or signals. It's even in the correct lane. So.... what is it that this professional driver is singularly qualified to do that the average person should not attempt? Driving straight down an open road? Accelerating? Maybe it's where he stops... not abruptly, but just stops.

It seems to me that these advertising companies have taken the ol' cover-your-ass-with-fine-print-disclaimers thing a little over the top. I'm sure that if someone were to get into a single-vehicle rollover crash and they tried to sue AT&T for having a commercial that showing car driving down the road, disclaimer or not, the case would probably get thrown out of court.

Then again, this is a legal system where wealthy judges are allowed to bring multi-million dollar cases against working-class immigrants over a thousand-dollar pair of pants. So who knows?

I'm in!

2007-08-14T06:07:00.001-07:00

I made it to the Bloop!! Woo-hoo! Now I am truly complete.

Yeah. Moving right along...

Actually, I am quite excited. I have been reading the Bloop for a long time. So it's cool to be a part of such a great group of people.

Slow news day

2007-08-10T12:06:00.000-07:00

You know it's a slow news day when, on every major news website and every local station, there's a "headline" trumpeting a story about a man who beheaded a snake, but the snake bit him anyway after its decapitation. This is news? Hell, this isn't even interesting.

The thing about the miners in Utah, though, that's vexing me. It seems obscene and unfair that they continue to tout their "optimism," cautious though it may be, and repeatedly announce that they're soon going to be lowering food, water, toothbrushes, combs, etc., down to the trapped miners. Like they KNOW the guys are still alive. Why are they doing this to the families of those miners? They are dead. After five days, they'd have died of thirst, shock and probably suffocation. More than likely, though, they were killed in the initial cave-in.

We're talking about seasoned miners, here, guys that are extensively trained in survival and safety techniques, and the foremost of those is to make lots of noise if you're trapped in a collapse, so the rescuers know you're alive and know where to dig to come get you. They've heard not one single tap in the entire time they've been attempting their rescue. No hammers banging, no rocks being smashed together, no shouts or anything at all.

Now, putting aside the "possibility" that they were miraculously encased in a little pocket area, and the fact that they would have had a whopping half-gallon of water each (at the most), why aren't they smacking their hammers against the rocks like they're trained to do? If they were too injured to do so, they'd certainly be too injured to survive this long in those conditions.

It just irks me that there's such unjustifiable optimism for these guys. I know that sounds terribly heartless and cynical, but honestly, if I was a surviving wife, mother, sister, or whatever, of one of these people, I don't think I'd want these officials stringing me along like that. You have to know they're almost certainly deceased, why keep feeding hope to these distraught families, telling them you've got faith the workers not only survived but were able to sustain life in the conditions they're trapped in (they've got breathable air, it's 58 degrees which is not too cold, it's dark but they have water, etc.)... they talk about it like those dudes are sitting around down there, playing cards and smoking cigarettes and just waiting to be rescued.

I actually think it's MORE heartless to feed these surviving family members hope in what appears to be a hopeless situation. In short, they're lying to these people. That's pretty wrong, considering the circumstances.

My First Post

2007-08-10T08:48:00.001-07:00

Wow. Look at me. I'm just so special. After years of thinking about it, I've finally created my very own blog. Now I can join the other 2 million "individuals" out there with their very own blogs.

Maybe I can put my blog on the Bloop, with Random Acts and CycleFreaks and GreenGuru. They're cool. (I think so, anyway.)

Hmmm. Now I'm at a loss for words.